You've read about Bosnia and Hertz-cars-go-rental-nia.  You've heard about the bombings in Kenya and Tanzania.  You've heard about terrorists and drug lords.  But let me tell you, they are nothing to the great wasp wars of 1998!  This was dangerous stuff with the wounded and the fearful, with the ecstasy and agony, with the bravery and treachery, with high-tech gizmos and old fashioned techniques.

It all started when the Anders family were innocently going about their business to and from work and school and play.  Somehow the family secret service agencies and CIA (Criminal Investigations for the Anders) slipped up and let the enemy invade.  In fact a squadron of airborne enemy invaders treacherously installed a landing zone right there in the azaleas by the front door!  A nasty circle of terror was hidden among the limbs and leaves.  It was a guerilla warfare station launching attacks on innocent by-standers.

Thomas, the teenager from next door, was helping me dismantle a prop from church when he accidentally backed into the bush and WHAM!  The aerial dive bombers came from nowhere and zapped him right on the arm.  It was a dose of chemical warfare with poison tipped projectiles delivered by kamikaze maniacs ready to risk all in the cause of their deviant government.

The medics quickly evacuated our first war casualty.  Rubbing alcohol was administered to the wound, but it was deemed that a referral to higher medical facilities was in order, so he went home to show his mother.

Then the next day, the domestic engineer of the home base decided to trim the azaleas.  After sniping only two branches, BUZZZ!  ZIP! WHAM!  The aerial attack struck home again with deadly aim.

The wounded soldier raced into the house yelling, "Take cover!  Incoming!  Incoming!"  Medivacs circled to the rescue again and the whole brigade took refuge behind the closed doors of the bunker/home.  The brave soldier was treated and released to fight another day.

Such terrorists attacks could only be averted by a decisive strike against their home base.  It was time for SUPER-DAD to the rescue!

With amazing bravery and heroic determination, SUPER-DAD went on national TV to announce the decisive military response saying, "They may run, but they can't hide" and "The Anders military might has a strong arm and a long memory."

The arsenal of deadly warfare was carefully examined for the most appropriate and terrifying weapon of choice.  Top notch military advisors and friends of the family advised using long distance wasp spray, but SUPER-DAD preferred a weapon that would exemplify the bravery necessary to win the Great Wasp Wars of 1998, and one that would assure total destruction of the enemy.

The accompanying family of soldiers shouted in unison, "No!  Not the newspaper-on-fire-delivered-by-hand-to-the-offending-azalea-bush!  It's too horrible to imagine!"

But it was true.  SUPER-DAD had made his choice!

The strike team was carefully assembled by the bunker/front door.  The front page of the sports section was chosen and carefully separated and rolled into a neat package.  A match was applied and with inspiring patience SUPER-DAD waited for the flames to reach maximum BTU, and then like a flash, SUPER-DAD moved in.  With one quick motion, the flaming incinerator bomb was delivered to a limb just below the landing platform of the enemy.  And just as quickly SUPER-DAD made his brave escape.

The enemy was caught in total surprise.  The enemy forces, casually napping away on a Sunday afternoon experienced the sudden heat and wrath of an angry father delivered to their evil abode.  Those warriors who so bravely attacked innocent children and wives had met their match. Now instead of circling to discover who or where the enemy was, every one of them shot like an arrow as far away from the scene as possible.  One!  Two!  Three!  Ten or fifteen of the red-winged bandits made a scorching path up and over the roof never to be seen again.

Meanwhile, the friendly troops watched the action from the safety of the front window.  When the cowardly bi-wingers were all gone and the sports page had flamed its best, SUPER-DAD moved in to investigate the damage.  With wooden sword (Yes, it may seem to you just a toy made for boys when they were young, but now it was a deadly weapon finely suited for the task.) in hand, brave SUPER-DAD inspected the azalea bush.  No sign of life remained, but there the offending landing port resided.

With one great swoosh of the blade, SUPER-DAD whacked the nest to ground, pounded it with a shovel, and crushed the enemy!

When SUPER-DAD returned through the bunker doors, the music began to swell with victorious melodies, tears streamed down the faces of loyal soldiers who had witnessed the Great Kahuna Himself marching into battle victorious once again.  The ewoks and wookies lined the hallways and echoed the cheers.  The Queen of the Nether Regions pronounced SUPER-DAD a good man and planted a wet kiss on his cheek.  Then she proclaimed to far and near, to one and all, that SUPER-DAD had saved the kingdom and won the Great Wasp Wars of 1998!