It sounded innocent enough.  "Can you come on October 9 to Murrell Taylor Elementary and shadow a teacher from 10:30 to 1?"  Well, sure.  Hey!  We support public education.

So I showed up at 10:30 to join the Mayor and other community leaders for this annual salute.

Since the Base is one of Murrell Taylor’s  partners-in-education, the building was full of folks in camouflage uniforms.  Even General Holbein was there.  But the General had it easy.  He shadowed the principal.  Don’t kid me.  I know an easy job when I see one.  He spent half his time going from classroom to classroom and being introduced to the children.  Then he got to play with the audio equipment making announcements.  “Hello, boys and girls. This is your principal for the day, General Holbein.  It’s time now for everyone to go to the cafeteria for our pep rally for public schools.”

Meanwhile, I was courteously escorted by two second graders to Ms. Reynolds kindergarten class.  When I walked into the classroom,  I noticed that the children were divided into four groups, each busy with healthy learning activities.  One group was playing shape bingo.  After brief introductions, it was my turn to call out the shapes.  "Green square."  "Red Triangle."  "Blue rectangle."  Bingo!

Ms. Reynolds is the most soft-spoken teacher I ever met and has an incredible gift with children.  Just in the few days since school started, the kids already are attuned to her soft voice and positive reinforcements.  “Thank you, Matthew, for being so quiet.  Thank you, Dionne, for picking up those toys.”  She quietly ignored the ones who were talking loudly or acting out, and, quick as a wink, they got the message.  They wanted Ms. Reynolds to thank them for good behavior too.

At lunch time, the children went one way, and we went another.  The school hosted a very nice meal for their guests and teachers which served as a good opportunity for teachers and community folks to get to know one another.  We talked about my kids and Ms. Reynolds upcoming marriage.  We were fast becoming old friends.  Then it was back to the classroom.

Since one of my tasks for the day was to take over the class for a period to give the teacher a break, Ms. Reynolds gave me what seemed to be the best possible time to teach – nap time.  At Ms. Reynolds soft instructions, the kids obediently got out their towels and laid down for their nap.  These kids were so sweet, lying on their Sesame Street towels, quietly, drifting off into Never Never Land.  “Hey,” I thought, “this is a snap.”

But the moment Ms. Reynolds stepped out of the room headed for the teacher’s lounge, somebody switched those sweet little innocent four-year-olds with conniving teenagers intent on destroying the substitute teacher.

First, one popped up to go to the bathroom, and then another.  Suddenly I had a whole room full of kids lined up at the bathroom door.   The toilet was just off the classroom so each time it was flushed, it made enough noise to waken the dead.  But, hey, nobody was asleep now!

That’s when Jessica started yelling at Ryan because he was whispering her name.  Morgan kept getting up and walking to the other side of the room, and while I was corralling him Rachel and Elizabeth were stealing sticky putty from the teacher's desk.  When I headed back over to quieten Courtney, Jordan started kicking Bethany.  Tyler and Stephanie suddenly crossed that great divide from the giggles into the land of absolute, hysterical, uncontrollable laughter.

That’s about the time sheer panic set in.  I knew I had lost control.  Here I was stepping over squirming kids on towels to shush first one and then to make another sit down.  I thought I was making progress when thirst suddenly spread through the room like the Wave at a Razorback game.  “Can I have a drink of water? Can I?  Can I, huh?”  I mean, how was I to deny such a simple request from a four-year-old?

But now everybody wants a drink of water.  I look up and there are five of them out in the hall at the drinking fountain and not wanting to come back in.  Jordan is still kicking Bethany.  Elizabeth and Rachel are claiming more stuff from the teacher's desk.  Justin now insists that he "can't hold it anymore," but there is still a line for the bathroom!

For 45 minutes I'm going from one side of the room to the other shushing and quieting and trying to corral this swarming nest of ants going in all directions.  I keep trying to remember Ms. Reynolds soft-spoken positive rewards, but I find myself worn to a frazzle threatening to strangle the next kid that talks.

Finally about 10 minutes until 1:00, for the very first time, I got them all settled down at once, and suddenly Ms. Reynolds appeared again.  If she had come in two minutes earlier, she would have been shocked at the mess I had made of her class.  But as it was, I pretended that they had been little angels the whole time she was gone, and that I had been in perfect control of the situation.  “What?  Me?  No problem.  Lovely children you have here.”