What?  You planning a trip to Disney World like we did?  Well, you, of course, will have many options to purchase professional guides to Disney World.  You know, the kind that give you all the secret tips to make sure your visit to the Magic Kingdom is absolutely perfect.  Yeah, the kind of guides that begin with a paragraph like this:

“By all means plan ahead.  Because a little attention to detail beforehand – we like to think of it as shopping for fun insurance – pays big dividends once you arrive in the Orlando area.  You can’t be assured of the vacation experience you want without knowing which of the gazillion ways to enjoy Walt Disney World most appeal to you, and how to go about making sure these potential highlights don’t become missed opportunities.”

Then those guides will cover such important topics as:
Logistics
When to Go
Consider the weather
Avoiding the Big Crowds
Experiencing Walt Disney World at its best
Extended park hours
Fantasy in the Sky Fireworks display

In your plan-ahead guides, you will find this kind of wonderful advice for having an Ideal Day at the Magic Kingdom:
1. Plan to be in the parking lot at least 45 minutes before the park is scheduled to open.
2. Pick up a guidemap at City Hall
3. Plan your day to avoid the long lines.
4. When the park opens, see what you can of the top priorities at your own pace.
5. Pause for lunch, but be sure to make reservations early.
6. Arrive about 20 minutes before the 25th Anniversary Christmas Parade.
7. Spend the remainder of the day tying up loose ends.

Hey!  Don’t pay any attention to that nonsense.  Trust ole Mick, yup the Mickster, yup SIR MICKEY to give you the tried and true advice.  That’s right we tried it and all this is true.  I advise you to do the following, like WE did:

1. Sleep late.  Don’t rush.  Hey!  The park will be there when you get there.  Besides the special holiday hours are 9:00 a.m. until 2:00 a.m.!  Hey, that’s plenty of time to do whatever in the world you want to do.  Yeah, sleep late. Then go grab a bite of breakfast.  Go to McDonalds on busy Highway #192.  That’s where EVERYBODY else goes.  You can get sneak previews of folks pushing and shoving in line, of whining and crying children who didn’t get the breakfast they wanted, of people who speak every language but English, of impatient and offensive adults who complain about the service, and, most notably, of the long lines.  In just a hour, you can have your FAST FOOD and be ready to head to the MAGIC KINGDOM for more of the same.
2. Arrive at the park at 9:30-10:00 so that you don’t miss seeing just how many other folks arrive at the peak arrival time.  Hey, otherwise, you would never know what real parking and traffic problems are.  We were creeping so slowly along the entrance road that one guy jumped from his car, ran a quarter mile across the median to a bathroom across the way, and ran back the quarter-mile to catch up with his buddies, but, in fact, he rejoined the line of cars about a quarter-mile ahead of his friends and had to wait for them to catch up.  Now, see, you’d never see that kind of thing if you took the tourguide book’s advice.  This way it will be 11:00 before you really get into the Magic Kingdom.  Prime time!
3. Don’t bother with those nasty old guidemaps.  Hey, go with the flow.  If you see something you like, go that way.  Follow the crowds, they know what’s fun.  If you see a particularly long line at, say, Splash Mountain, that must mean it’s a really cool ride.  Jump in line!  In only an hour and a half, you, too, will thrill to the joy of a 15 second ride ending with a spectacular drenching of splashed water.  And if the splashes from the fake logs don’t get you, then the water cannon will.  That’s right, Disney has thought of everything.  They have a special water cannon aimed at the cross bridge so that spectators who are watching will get drenched too.  That way they will say, “Hey, we’re wet now.  We might as well get in line and ride!”
4.  Eat lunch at precisely 12 noon.  Don’t bother to wait until off-hours to get food.  Hey, the food might not be fresh then.  This way you can guarantee freshness because they are having to cook up fresh hot dogs all the time to feed all those hordes in line in front of you.
5. Wander about.  Maps and agendas just cause stress.  Follow the crowds.  IN fact, you will not have a choice.  Since they park is ABSOLUTELY FULL today (with a registered attendance of over 57,000 in a space designed for maybe 10 people), you won’t be able to walk contrary to the natural flow of the crowds.  Just hunch up your shoulders and go with the flow.  Don’t worry, they know where all  the fun stuff is.  They’ll take you there too.
6. Watch out for the wheelchairs and baby buggies!  They’re everywhere!  They’re everywhere.  And they don’t mind smashing your ankles if you are in their way.  And keep a sharp eye out for the folks in the wheel chairs. Yes, that family pushing the teenage girl in the chair.  The next time you see them they will be pushing the adult man in the chair, and the next time the adult woman.  See, they have learned that wheelchair rental is cheap, and wheelchair folks get to go to the head of the line and get priority seating everywhere.  So if you want to beat the crowds and the lines, and have fun smashing people ankles and heels in the process, just rent a wheelchair and join the throngs at Wheelchair Demolition Derby!
7. Arrive for the Christmas Parade about 30 minutes prior to the parade.  That way all the good spots are already taken and you get to step over (literally, right over their heads) all the kids and parents parked in the only spots where you can really see the parade.  If you find a bare piece of sidewalk, plop down right there regardless of who is waiting behind you to move on.  Hey, they’ll step right over you just like you did those other folks.  But then, hey, you may discover like we did that you wound up on the wrong side of the road for great photography.  (Backlighted Cinderella’s are hard to expose correctly.)  So you could then join Andy and me as we scampered across the road to the really crowded section.  Then you can take all the great photos you want of the back of the lady’s head in front of you.  Or you can do like me and lift your camera way above your head and click.  The only problem there is you might get great photos of the tops of trees, lightpoles, and lots of clouds, but no toy soldiers, or dancing snowflakes.
8. During the parade, watch out for angry patrons.  Hey, there are plenty of those to go around.  When the 2 year old in front of you spills her Sprite and the resulting flood tide begins to spread to neighboring squatters, everybody, of course, has to stand up WHICH blocks the view of the impolite folks behind you causing them to whimper and whine and shout and curse since they can’t see anymore from their reclined positions on the concrete and therefore have to join you in standing and peering between mouse-ears and Goofy hats to see the Seven Dwarves and Cinderella’s carriage pulled by Shetland ponies and the knave walking along behind with his pooper scooper.  Then, when the knave gets to finally do his deed, you can join the crowd in spontaneous applause for the pooper scooper, perhaps the best part of the parade.  Hey!  You don’t see those every day.
9. Be prepared to watch all the interesting people in line.  You’ll see lots of them in front of you while you wait.  Exchange business cards and make your plans to vacation together in the future.  You will have spent so much time in line together that you will feel like old friends.
10. Take good photos.  Shoot!  I got some of the best pictures ever.  I took pictures of Sarah, Will and Andy while we:
Stood in line to catch the tram from our parking spot in the “Sneezy” lot, row 95.
Stood in line to get the tickets transferred.
Stood in line to catch the monorail.
Stood in line to enter the Magic Kingdom itself.
Stood in line to ride Splash Mountain
Stood in line to get cokes.
Stood in line to get hot dogs.
Stood in line to purchase our items at the Africa Shop.
Stood in line to ride Space Mountain.
Stood in line for It’s a Small World
Stood in line for Legend of the Lion King
Stood in line for Tomorrowland Speedway
Stood in line at the Starlight Café for hamburgers & French fries
Stood in line to watch the Christmas Parade
Stood in line to get the free confetti hats and horns to celebrate the New Year.
Stood in line for bathrooms.
Stood in line for the monorail out.
Stood in line for the trams out.
But hey, photojournalism at its best.
And don’t forget to take a picture of that Cinderella Castle.  Someone got the bright idea of turning the Cinderella Castle into a gigantic birthday cake for the 25th anniversary celebration, and well, the rest is batter.  It took somebody with a perverted sense of humor to whip up this cake with bright-pink icing and candy decorations.  Talk about tacky!

11. Visit the Africa shop.  They’ve got some great stuff in there.  Sarah bought half of it so that  she can have plenty of props for her Africa unit in the kindergarten classes.  Personally, I just love Africa and anything African.  They had great wood carvings, musical instruments, native costumes, spears, shields, and lots of safari outfits.  But the best part is the counter clerk.  He is an older man who leaves his counter at every opportunity to bring out his autograph book and ask every child under ten if they would please sign his book.  You should see the look on those kids faces as they sign that book so seriously.  It was great.
12. Don’t miss “It’s a Small World.”  I always thought they just featured some small things with small dolls and small costumes and small places.  But hey!  They got little dolls from every country in the world in there.  Did you know that?  And even more spectacular, they sing the song (yeah, the little melody that drives you absolutely crazy before you can get out of there) in all the different languages of the world.  Isn’t that interesting?  Then just before you leave, they have signs on the wall that say “Goodbye” in all the languages of the world.  Yup, there’s “Goodbye.” That’s English.  There’s “Asante.” That’s Spanish.  There’s “Au Revoir.”  That’s French.  Then there were the other languages I could hardly recognize except for the big sign that said, “Mattel.”  That’s “Goodbye” to all your hard-earned dollars in parent-eeze.
13. Let your kids make all the plans and all the decisions.  Hey, it’s their day.  If you plan it, they’ll whine and complain forever that you didn’t let them see the SprectroMagic Parade.  But if you let them decide, then they have only them to blame.  That’s right, a parents role is to tag along and try not to get lost while your kids have a big time.  Don’t plan it for them.  Let them do it, that way, you won’t be to blame.

Well, if you will follow the advice in Mickey’s Infallible Guide to Disney.  You won’t go wrong.  You’ll have a BIG time in Disney World, just like we did!